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Well, I think I’m equally as sexy as New York, and based on the lady tourists I’ve seen about, Japan may be too sexy for me. Thus, I’m too sexy for Milan, Genova and, thus far, Lucca.

I will introduce a new travel points scheme: Train Tolerance Points (TTP). The scheme works as follows:

* Begin with 20 TTP.

* Plan to take a simple rail journey with Trenitalia.

* Lose 50 TTP. Go batshyte insane. Question the series of life choices you have made that have led you to be at this lonesome railway line, weigh the full magnitude of the sacrifices and loses that have resulted from these decisions, despair that the lines of your fate are now inextricably tangled with this life that put you on this train. Drink a cement milkshake and harden the frikk up, recognise the self-sabotage of this line of thought, and that you must live your life because in too few short, precious years you will be dead. Realise that in a similar order of few short years, every lazy, inept current rail employee in Italy will also be dead. Smile maliciously.

After flying into Milano and after a long awaited meal, the Ossobucco Milanese I couldn’t get in Milano last year, Matt and I went to the station to get to Lucca. Two change overs the computer says. Milano Centrale to Genova Brignole, 8.25 to 12.05; Genova to Viareggio, 5.57 to 7.35; and Viareggio to Lucca, 9.01 to 9.27.

We wait at Genova for the 6 hours. It is cold indeed. It is boring. There are only concrete benches to attempt sleep on. But we persevere. At 5.30 a hideously drunk Spaniard starts taking to us in Italian. Initially all we can make out is that American women have the best vaginas, accompanied with the foulest gesture thus far encountered by man. Eventually, it dawns that he is warning, or threatening, that we are in danger and going to be murdered. As we escape him, we realise it is 6 o’clock. No train. No train at 6.30. All there is consists of an oaf station master who insists we missed this phantom train and have to buy a ticket for another. In Viareggio the local station master informs us that a refund could only have been obtained from the Genova oaf. Convenient.

At Lucca, we can’t check in to our hotel until 2pm. We are each sleep deprived to the point of paranoia. We shall investigate the city tomorrow.

Also, phone is back up.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
docmatrix
Aug. 25th, 2008 12:30 pm (UTC)
You like spending all evening at Italian train stations, eh Paul? Remember Torino?
paulfraser
Aug. 25th, 2008 03:09 pm (UTC)
I remember, I remember. This was worse. There was also a night I slept at Verona station. Genova was still worse.
(Anonymous)
Sep. 3rd, 2008 04:50 am (UTC)
hehehe
ahhh yes.... italian trains. what fun :D :D :D your blog is awesome, always the highlight of my internet reading week. just fyi. :)

-- David C.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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